My Nitrous Addiction

I took having a good time to a whole new level this year. I owned a cream dispenser machine (we called it a Bulbinator, as cream chargers are also called bulbs). When I first wake up, I’d take hits. I do it when I’m cooking, in between bites of my meals, during a shower, I even did it once while walking down a busy street.
I have this one debaucherous friend that would take hits while driving. She'll have one hand on the wheel while the other restocks the Bulbinator. She didn't drive recklessly, and was pretty smooth on the road. I’ve accompanied her on quite a few drives. She said something about how soothing it felt driving on nitrous.
We’d rock up at all odd hours of the morning during our sesh runs to this one convenient store that sold bulbs. The Indians would give us knowing looks. They see 3 scruffy looking girls come in with suss looking faces asking for ‘cream chargers please’ I also live very close to a supermarket that sold bulbs. It was a mere few minutes walk, I thought that my life was fucking complete. The employees started recognising me, would chuck me a knowing smile and say something along the lines of ‘haha you’re back for more!’. I always felt a tinge of embarrassment, kinda like when you walk into a shop to buy condoms or something. Maybe I’m just being paranoid about how they’re judging, leering, thinking about what a nitrous junkie I was.

It had its pros and cons. Pros were that it didn't inhibit my appetite or my sleep, it wore off pretty quick, it had a nice taste, and overall it just felt… Amazing. I also got pro at holding my breath.
(A box of Isi cream chargers had 10 in a box, I was using around 240 bulbs daily). Cons were that I started becoming forgetful, confused, constantly mulling about death, and if there was a point to anything. I’d become irrationally paranoid and overthinking weird scenarios in my head, I didn’t want to see anybody or go anywhere, didn’t want to work, and was even too lazy to go out on a bulb run. I wished a 6 pack would materialise in front of me so I could continue watching Scarface.
I have an important client that comes to town frequently. This one time I excused myself to 'help a friend out with a school project for a few hours’, went home, helped myself to a great session, then went back to see him.

It starts off with fun laughing fits, hearing cool echoes, having crazy life epiphanies, nostalgia and bittersweet emotions. Then gradually losing touch with reality and questioning your sanity. It was interesting living in a constant dream-like state. I’ve stopped using it for a while now, my sweet Bulbinator went into the bin to prove to myself that I’m done. But deep down I know it’s not going to be my last time. Maybe I won’t go that extent next time.